It’s your February Twentieth Davey Mac Sports Report and long-time Lakers owner Jerry Buss has died at the age of 80. Under Buss’ reign, the Lakers won ten championships and produced a shitload of Hall of Famer’s. Also under Buss’ reign, Kurt Rambis and his creepy Warren Commission glasses averaged 5.2 points per game. Plus, prominent Lakers Girl Paula Abdul danced with and I’m pretty sure had sexual intercourse with a cartoon cat. And it was under Buss’ reign that Magic Johnson contracted AIDS…probably from the aforementioned cartoon cat. In fact, it was under Buss’ reign that Shaquille O’Neal was forced to leave the team and then later ask Kobe Bryant how his “ass tastes.” Kobe never did comment on how Shaq’s ass tastes…leaving us with one of the great sports mysteries/ass-tasting conundrums these drunk eyes have ever seen. RIP, Jerry!
A police detective is corroborating the legless Olympian Oscar Pistorius’ story that he shot his girlfriend in their home because he thought she was an intruder. Pistorius is being prosecuted for murder. I’m very upset at this disturbing incident…mainly because Pistorius took his awesome nick-name of “Blade Runner” and shit all over it. I mean, this is NOT something Harrison Ford would have done. Sure, he called women “doll” and “your highness” and was slightly sexist with broads. But Pistorius needs to ask himself, “Would Regarding Henry have shot an innocent woman?” The answer to that important question is “No. No, Regarding Henry would not have put bullets into a model. After all, Regarding Henry was too busy painting pictures of Ritz crackers.”
The Jets made a huge salary dump yesterday, releasing the following players:
- Bart Scott
- Calvin Pace
- Eric Smith
- Josh Baker
- Mayor Quimby
- Classy Freddy Blassy
- the guy who dresses up as Rupaul
- Grimace
- Beetlejuice
- Jesus
- Pacman
- and this guy:
The Davey Mac Player(s) of the Day goes to Number One-ranked Indiana, who beat #4 Michigan State last night, 72 to 68. It’s good to see the Hoosiers back on top again. Somewhere, Bobby Knight is celebrating this accomplishment by strangling a pre-teen and beating him with a chair.
See you tonight for the Davey Mac Sports Program! LIVE on USTREAM at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific! Go to the Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream for the shit!! Peace!!
-Dave (2/20/13)